I wasn’t planning on sharing this piece until it was finished. But something about it felt too alive to keep hidden and it’s not even close to done. Maybe it’s because it’s part of something much, much larger that I don’t want to fully dish on just yet. Or maybe it’s because after a week of stillness, I finally remembered what it feels like to breathe through the work instead of racing to keep up with it. I’m usually pretty satisfied with my work (and it took me decades to get to a place where I can say that), but this one is happening so organically, that it’s the first time in a long while I’ve stepped back and blown my own mind. It triggered something in me this morning that moved this from a quick social media post, to a full write up about what’s happening.
After closing the classroom for the summer, I treated the last week as a staycation. No real plans. Just enough space to let the dust settle. I cleaned, worked in the yard, painted, burned myself with hot glue while working on a massive fiber art piece I started months ago, and let myself forget what day it was. The ability to not care what day it was, was absolutely everything.
Lucid Studio —the business I launched earlier this year—has been quietly waiting in the wings while I taught. I picked at things here and there, did a few commissions, and continued to work on the Higher Self Portrait I’ve been promising to unveil for a super long time… It’s coming, I promise. I was being kind of hard on myself about letting things sit for so long. But honestly? I think the step back from it was a gift. It might sound funny when I say I need to realign something that I was just barely starting to build, but I was going into this with a million ideas and no idea how to keep up when one of my paintings usually takes about 80 hours on average. Same for a pen & ink illustration. And I somehow still had to develop my “brand” and identity, build an audience, create content, do the other jobs I had already committed to including other people’s brands, and figure out what I could or should mass produce to have available at in person events and shows.
I was trying to brainstorm products and services that would “keep the lights on” even if I hated doing them when other projects dried up, but that was the same exact behavior that threw me under the bus before. “I’ll work in finance to pay the bills and support my passions.” But dumping oneself into things that don’t align, is the number one enemy of creative flow. How many hours had I spent wishing I was painting, but was just disassociating and replaying cruel comments an agent with unrealistic expectations made to me. Too many. Even one moment of doing that is too much.
Here’s what I’ve realized:
🧹 I’ve let go of things I was only doing out of obligation.
Not everything needs to be done just because someone else is doing it. That revelation hit hard. It’s easy to get caught in the noise. But teaching nearly 300 kiddos this year reminded me to return to the why behind what I create and step back from the how. It’s not that I had forgotten the why, it was a huge motivator for launching Lucid in the first place, but fear and a scarcity mindset brought to you by corporate culture, contributed to pouring energy into things I didn’t care about as much. I love doing time lapse videos. Do I remember to record myself working? No. Does every single piece need it? No. Can I still post works in progress without them? Yes. Getting lost in what’s supposed to be “on brand”, instead of just being in the work, ain’t it.
🎭 Imposter syndrome doesn’t stand a chance when you’re in your truth.
There’s something about showing up, day after day, for young minds – some curious, some just going through the motions – that helps quiet one’s inner critic. Working with those learners allowed me to drop MANY of the fears and insecurities I’d been carrying. And being surrounded by like minded people who care makes all the difference. I spent a long time exhausting myself trying to convince people to care about things they never would, and I let people convince me to care about things I shouldn’t have wasted time with. On the other hand, it’s brought me to where I am, and I’m now much more equipped to recognize when those patterns are emerging.
🛡️ Advocacy matters.
I had a rough time growing up (and, honestly, well into my twenties and thirties). The people who showed up for me in meaningful ways—the ones who advocated—still cross my mind often. Their impact lives in the way I now show up for others. Especially when I ask myself, “WWGD?” (IYKYK). This was already one of the core values of Lucid. It’s the meaning behind the lucid blue color in my logo. It’s the color of advocacy, truth, and healing. The last 3 months gave me the opportunity to put advocacy into action, and it was home.
🎭 Creative Programming saved me more than once.
I think back to directing musicals during a time in my life that was completely unsustainable. Grad school, multiple jobs, exhaustion, and mental health struggles had put me and a BUNCH of my personal relationships through it. Somehow, the thing that most people would suggest was the thing I could let go of, had in fact become my lifeline. It was the thing that made all the other things survivable. I want to keep creating spaces like that – creative spaces that give you oxygen when you’re underwater – for myself and for others.
📚 Education is sacred.
Keep learning (and un-learning). Stay open. Share what you know. Let yourself be taught.
🎨 Art should be expansive.
We’ve all heard the advice: “You want to be an artist? Well, be a graphic designer. At least they make money.” I know that advice comes from a good intention and a concern for someone’s future, but it can very quietly strip purpose from a soul. I don’t want to do things just because it makes money. Money is fake, we made it up, it’s not a real thing. I understand that until that realization becomes mainstream, it will be an unfortunate necessity, but it’s not going to lead to anything authentic. I also don’t want to limit what I focus on just to feel “legit.” I want to make things—paintings, textiles, illustrations, workshops, card decks — anything that helps people return to themselves and keeps me where I’m happy and where I’m needed.
🌀 Intuition is real.
Call it woo if you want. But the moment I started listening to that voice—the one that speaks in synchronicity, nudges, and deep knowing—everything got richer. As someone who already came out once, I can say without a doubt that leaning in, listening, and surrendering provides the same sense of relief. There is profound freedom to be experienced when one learns to reserve judgment, particularly when that judgment is usually directed inward.
So, What’s Next?
Each of these realizations or validations is a thread I’m weaving into Lucid. I want my business to be more than a place for people to buy my art and products. I want it to become a community.
A community of artists, explorers, and deep feelers.
A community that isn’t afraid to advocate for itself and others.
A community that honors instinct, play, darkness, and growth.
A place where the question isn’t “Can I?” but “What happens if I try?”
Over the coming months, I’ll be releasing new projects—tools for shadow work, art in various forms, and courses for people navigating their own creative re-awakenings. It’s time to get lucid.
Please consider subscribing below for updates, creative resources, and early access to new offerings. Lucid is just getting started—and it’s going to be transformative. Leave comments, participate in the conversation, and let me know what you would like to see Lucid do.
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